Personality Disorder

People in the mental health community, both people with mental health issues and people who advocate for them, have been working pretty hard over the past few years to change the narrative around mental health and dating. To change the language around dating so that it doesn't just blame the mentally ill person for everything in the relationship. So that the weight of carrying the relationship is on all people involved. That the burden of understanding and self-correction is on all people involved.

The exception seems to be personality disorders. The "advice" around dating people with personality disorders is all about managing their symptoms, controlling their ability to hurt you, I even saw one talking about using compliments as rewards for good behavior and I want to scream. People want to say that personality disorders make you manipulative, but that's the most manipulative bullshit I've ever heard. Your partner is an adult and doesn't need to be treated like a child or an unruly puppy.

So this is my reminder to you, gentle reader: a mental illness makes someone hurt.

It makes them tired. It makes them feel big things. Try to remember that the troubling symptoms you are seeing are not just symptoms of mental illness, they are symptoms of pain. They are coping mechanisms for pain and fear. No, those coping mechanisms shouldn't be allowed to hurt you, but if all you're doing is managing symptoms and expecting your partner to change or control themselves, you're setting both of you up for failure.