Do the Work

Y’all, I have a friend whose preferred pronouns are none. Use no pronouns.

If anybody thought that being queer and genderfluid and aware made any of this easier, please take note. Our language wasn’t built to take care of people, our social conventions about repeating someone’s name a lot (ie- don’t) don’t leave a lot of room to take care of people. It isn’t *easy* to rewrite the way you speak in your head, I know that. (I’ve heard it from so many of my friends and family, too.)

It’s still worth it tho. It still matters to me to take care of this person and to treat my friend with respect. My mental gymnastics are my problem, not my friend’s.

Don’t get complacent because you think you know everything already. Be ready to let your paradigm shift again and again because we are changing the world to take care of each other. Do the work.

Language

My newest self project involves being aware of and careful with my language. I want to try to avoid using language that I know hurts people, including myself. My goal are thus:

1. I will not call myself lazy. 
2. I will not use ableist language, even casually. 
3. I will not use racist language. 
4. I will not apologize just because it is socially expected or easier. 
5. I will strive to make my language as inclusive as possible.

I will listen if someone tells me a way to improve, and I will do my best to point out harmful language used by others.

I will mess up. I will struggle. This will be hard. But the options are "try, fail, try again" or "don’t try, hurt people." I’m going to do my best.

I Am Nice?

Something I’ve noticed lately:

When people talk about me, one of the things I hear most often is that I am nice. Consistently, this is what I hear over and over, even when I think I have not been my best self to someone or when I simply don’t think I’ve treated them with more than casual respect. Even my friends from high school, when I know I was at my toughest point, in the midst of a depressive episode for a long time, remember that I was kind to them. My college friends know and remember me to be considerate and caring. People tell me that I am bright-eyed with wonder and that I am kind.

I can live with this legacy. If this is what people know of me, especially when I do not always know it of myself, I am proud.