Do the Work

Y’all, I have a friend whose preferred pronouns are none. Use no pronouns.

If anybody thought that being queer and genderfluid and aware made any of this easier, please take note. Our language wasn’t built to take care of people, our social conventions about repeating someone’s name a lot (ie- don’t) don’t leave a lot of room to take care of people. It isn’t *easy* to rewrite the way you speak in your head, I know that. (I’ve heard it from so many of my friends and family, too.)

It’s still worth it tho. It still matters to me to take care of this person and to treat my friend with respect. My mental gymnastics are my problem, not my friend’s.

Don’t get complacent because you think you know everything already. Be ready to let your paradigm shift again and again because we are changing the world to take care of each other. Do the work.

Andrea Gibson

Jan 2018

“...you often find it easier to explain your gender by saying you are happiest on the road, when you’re not here or there, but in between. That yellow line running down the center of it all like a goddamn sunbeam.” Your Life by Andrea Gibson

On Friday I saw Andrea Gibson and I got to share the experience with Benjamin who had never heard them before, Robyn who has seen them at least twice before like me, and James whose exposure I know nothing about.

I loved hearing Andrea and seeing them, and watching the people I love enjoy them too. Thank you for giving me the exact emotional weight and emotional release I needed.

Toxic Masculinity

I’ve just about had it up to my eyeballs with toxic masculinity, gender policing, and the idea that men can only go to women for emotional labor rather than themselves or other men.

Today has been really trying to piss me off on this one particular topic and I’m done.

Men should have feelings. Men should be able to talk about feelings, particularly with other men. Men should be responsible for their own emotional health. Men should be aware of the emotional labor they are asking their partner to perform and make sure they are offering that emotional labor back.

“Being a man” should not preclude taking care of your family or your house or cleaning or giving your kid a bath or hugging your mom or your brother or your son. It shouldn’t preclude being sad when something bad happens. It shouldn’t preclude seeking professional help for depression or other painful things.

When was the last time you asked your wife if she’d had a rough day?

When was the last time you asked your buddy if he was happy in his relationship or if he was struggling with anything at work?

When was the last time you hugged your son or let him cry without making him feel bad about it?

When was the last time you let your kid play with what they wanted to play with whether it aligned with stereotypical gender roles or not?