The depression-mania spectrum of bipolar disorder interacts with the function scale of my ADHD and executive dysfunction in interesting ways. I can control for some of these factors by managing my routine and medication, but sometimes it's just going to be a bad day. Or a good day that means the next few days are rough. With all that in mind, I have to prepare myself for either kind of day. Or week. Or month.
Today, I'm focusing that preparation on cleaning. I've got a guest coming this weekend, and my apartment is in mid-level disaster mode at the moment. It could certainly be worse, but I'm aiming to impress this particular visitor, so I'm hoping to get it up to untidy, at least. I've started making lists.
On the left is my deep cleaning list. This is the goal, on any good week. When I'm at the point where my apartment needs to be really clean, I'm going to turn to this page and see what's lacking. On the top of the right page is a breakdown of the Laundry item from deep clean. Bottom right is my list for when everything's gone to shit, I haven't seen a good day in a week or two, and I just need to be able to function in my space.
Today's ADHD self-care is not judging myself for any of these lists.
The deep clean list is broken down by room (my apartment is very small), and then by task, and then by the steps and pieces of that task. There are a few I probably could have broken down a little further, which is exactly what I did with laundry, but this is a good start. I've made a list that I won't look at and get overwhelmed, though it might seem like a lot to another person. I don't have to remember all of the steps to the process. I don't have to guess whether or not I've got something done. I get to check off extra boxes for every step! (This kind of instant reward helps give my brain that dopamine hit it's looking for.) It's a good list.
The laundry list is also broken down pretty far. Keeping my clothes clean is a constant struggle, and often it's a pretty low priority for me. Most people have the "I don't have clean underwear" line, and I have a similar one, but it's in a different place. I have a washer/dryer in my apartment, and I still don't do laundry near as often as I ought. So this list is, once again, my deep clean list. If I'm trying to get everything done, it all gets gathered, and then sorted, and then washed. And if I get really lucky with the energy and spoons and motivation, it might get put away. These are my sorting categories, and then the priority by which the loads are washed. Then I have where everything goes when I put it away.
The bottom list is for the really bad days. When I'm coming home from work and falling onto my couch and hopefully getting dinner before I'm done with the day. When I just need to be able to function. I need clean bowls because I eat all of my food out of bowls. I need to be able to sit in my spot on the couch. I need my side of the bed to have enough room for me. I need there to not be any food growing things or smelling bad. It doesn't make for a fun space, and sometimes it gets kind of gross, but it gets me through the day. And when I start noticing how gross it is, I know I'm doing better. When I can get up and run the dishwasher, I'm definitely getting better.
But I'm prepared for both kinds of days. And I'm doing that preparation without hating myself. Part of my self-care is also sharing this process. I hope it reaches someone who needs to know they aren't alone. I hope it shows people that sometimes, even the "simplest" task has too many steps to remember properly without help. And you can still be okay, even on the bad days.
